Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
