I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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