Cold hands, warm shart.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Too much dab too little lung dying π΅π΅π΅
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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