After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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