I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
