then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
