when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
