I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
