You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
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