and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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