I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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