batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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