My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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