So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
