I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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