This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
