It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
