a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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