we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize