i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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