so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize