Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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