i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my being single is dangerous.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
