Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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