soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
