i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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