i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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