Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
