my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
