So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
