What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
