So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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