My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
