if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
