somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
