watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
