Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
