Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
