Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
