We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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