She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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