how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
