The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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