Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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