he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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