I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
