I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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