wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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