I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
