I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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