I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
