finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
