sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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