OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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