clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
