you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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