I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No subtext here. People are naked.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
