i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
