thus making me awesome and them whores
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My balls are so social today.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
