This is not my ceiling
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
