No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
