i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
