we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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