I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
