He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
