the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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